Because of You
by KaydenceRei
Summary: Olivia thinks back on who she is.. who she's become, the people who made her who she is today, and why she has a hard time trusting others. A songfic, oneshot, EO.


**Disclaimer**: I own absolutely none of the character.

**A/N**: Alright, you guys know me.. I normally stick to one story at a time, but with "Fault" coming on tonight, I need to write a One-Shot Songfic that popped into my mind when I turned the song on earlier. So I hope you guys like this as much as I enjoy writing it :) As was my previous songfic, this is EO, and the lyrics will be in italics.

This is one of my favorite songs, because I can relate to it in my own way.

**Song**: Because of You

**Artist**: Kelly Clarkson

**---------**

Olivia stood against the wall of her apartment, her brown eyes brimming with the tears about to spill, but she was still unable to let them fall. She had let him in, knowing that doing so would only bring on yet another fight like the ones that they'd been having for a while now. She stood in front of him now, the man she'd been partnered with for years, as a broken woman.

The only problem for Olivia now was that he was the one breaking her, she wasn't willing to open up to someone, let them in, when he wouldn't do that for her either. She frowned, he was still in front of her, wanting her to open up, but she couldn't do it. She shook her head in a simple meaning that she wasn't going to talk about the case, she wasn't going to let herself be free after all the things she had gone through in her life

But she remembered one thing...that she did not want to end up the same way that her mother had. She did not want to become the same broken and miserable woman that her mother had been. She didn't want to be a drunk, she didn't want to be alone in her life, she wanted _him_. She wanted her partner, she wanted to tell him her problems, explain to him that he was more than a partner to her, he was her friend, her protector even when she could protect herself. She wanted to wake up next to him, feel his touch even in her dreams.

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far_

Olivia stood still as Elliot just shook his head at her, they'd yelled for a few minutes, then stood staring at each other for another few minutes. Neither one had spoken after that, she stared as he walked out the door to her apartment. She'd stared as the door slammed shut, causing her to flinch slightly at the loud thud that came with it.

She knew that she was always so closed up when it came to talking about how she felt. She knew why, it was because she felt that if she'd told someone, they'd merely walk back out of her life. She thought that they would leave her laying in ruins from her own broken heart.

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

Her heart had been shattered the day she was told about her father. Her heart was shattered the day she figured out why it was her mother drank every night. Her heart could never be complete... because _he_ had half of his genes inside of her. A man whom she would never know, a man who would unfortunately be called her father. And this is why she would close herself off from anyone who tried to get close, because she was the spawn of two horrible things, a drunken woman, and a violent man who violated women's rights in the worst possible way.

She would simply fake smiles when she saw kids who could happily enjoy their time spent with their fathers. She'd fake smiles when Elliot's kids would come see him, make him things, draw him pictures. The simple things that she was never able to do, and never would have wanted to do for her father. She'd fake another smile when people talked about their childhoods and how much fun they used to have with their familes, and she'd pretend it didn't hurt that not only did she never have a family back then, but even now that she didn't have one.

_I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with_

The dark of the night merely continued to grow darker, and she finally slid down the wall, burying her head in her hands. The tears seemed to fall so easily at night-time, maybe it was because she thought no one else was around. Or maybe it was because at night things were different, her mother was passed out, she would never hear the tears and the sobs from her daughter's room.

She finally let the tears fall, not noticing that Elliot had even come back, that he was standing in the doorway to her apartment once more. Her brown eyes remained closed tight, trying to hold it all in, even though by now it could be considered a useless task. She took her hands from her face, keeping her eyes closed, and wrapped her arms around her knees, seemingly trying to calm herself down.

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

She wanted to go after Elliot, her mind was screaming at her to chase Elliot as far as she needed to just so that she could wrap her arms around him and feel him close to her. She didn't want to end up alone like her mother had when she died, she didn't want to end up drunk at some bar in the middle of the night, dawdling on a past that could not be remade. She'd watched her mother die, slowly but surely, die from the alcohol that she had consumed each night. And every night she knew that she could never do things the way her mother had done them.

_I watched you die  
I heard you cry every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry in the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing_

Her breathing slowly steadied as she began to calm, the figure in her doorway still going unnoticed to her as it drew closer. She was oblivious at the moment to anything and everything else around her. She'd go after him, she'd finally made the decision, her body stopped shaking from the sobs to even out with her now steady breathing as she began to stand up, she looked up to see Elliot standing right in front of her, no longer waiting in the doorway.

Unconsciously she'd taken a step back, the surprise in her face showing immediately as she backed straight into the wall with her first step. She took a deep breath in an attempt to steady herself as he'd taken another step towards her, and when she felt his arms wrap around her, around her arms and her body, she didn't pull away. She simply laid her head down on his shoulder and let the rest of the tears out. And so they both slid down to the floor, ignoring the looks of people walking by her open apartment, ignoring her neighbors who watched the scene before them as the woman who'd they had all known to be so strong, cried in the arms of a man whom she worked with.

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I try my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

She wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck, practically sitting on her partner's lap. She closed her eyes once more as the tears ended only a few minutes after they had started and she thought back on everything else. If she hadn't had the same mother, the same father, she wondered if she'd still be the same person she was now. She wondered if she would still be a cop, still be Elliot's partner, or even still be in his arms at this very moment, without the parents that she had.

She supposed that maybe this was something she should be thankful for them for, she was here now because of who her parents were, and because of who they made her. She smiled now, her and Elliot didn't need words right now to explain how they'd felt all these years, because this moment was exactly what proved it.

She lifted her head to look into her partner's eyes, and she smiled again. She kept one hand behind his head, and her other hand touched the side of his face as she moved her face towards his and met his lips in a kiss.

This was who she was, Olivia Benson, detective from the Special Victims Unit, partner of Elliot Stabler. And sure, she didn't know if this kiss, these feelings were a one time fling, or if this would be an ongoing relationship. One thing was for sure though, right now, at this very place and time, she was in love with her partner...

_Because of you  
Because of you_

**---------**

**Hope you liked this, it was just a small break from my story, 'He Was Gone, But Not Forgotten.' It's not exactly a happy story throughout the whole thing, but I think the end is what makes the story what it is. I hope it was okay, tell me your thoughts on it, good or bad. -Kay**


End file.
